Category: Singles Spit Swap
Hello friends.
Just wondered... After reading some of the messages on this board, why is everyone so pesimistic about finding someone? Is it that you truly don't think that nice people get on this site or that you are just pessimistic by nature?
While I don't agree with the pecimism expressed by most on this board (see past messages for proof of such), I think it comes from a few places. Some on here are just pecimistic, some have tried the online thing, and because it didn't work out for them, they don't think it can work for others, and some of it is just knowledge of the zone and the people that are most ... the closest word I can find is Visible, on it. Not sure that made sense, but I tried. :)
It made sense, and I agree. There are couples on here that have met and married, so it can be done. But there are some zoners who are negative about everything.
I think some folks just hold onto the old-fashioned notion that you should only date face-to-face and that anyone who advertises their availability must be some kind of undesirable type, as in ugly, overweight, y'know, a non-jock or non-cheerleader type. LOL!
Then there are others who just say negative things to provoke reaction. Or perhaps they feel because it's the internet and not real life, they can freely ridicule others and suffer no consequences, just because they feel entitled to ridicule others.
Not pesimism, just realism
I think Godzilla hits it pretty close.
If someone starts out looking for their one and only, and they don't find them within a few weeks then it can't be done. What garbage.
I have often been discouraged by the pesimism and downright darkness one finds here on the zone. Check out the writers' block for examples, and the "suicide" topic for real bummers.
I have engaged in some pretty raunchy discussions here on the boards. I have also engaged in some discussions that reveal things about me that I wouldn't reveal to anyone else.
I don't have any belief that I am going to find that one and only here, but I sure have found a lot of friends. Someday should I find someone that I would consider that "one and only" then great. If not, then that's okay too. Can't lose that way.
This is a good topic. Thanks for posting it.
Bob
it's not realism thinking you can't find anyone on this site. I know that for a fact. I found the man of my dreams. Neither of us were looking, it just sort of happened! we met on here and married last december. so no need to have a negative attitude about it. I agree with what has been said so far. If it doesn't work for them, then they say it's impossible! The reason most don't make it, is lack of maturity. Most don't talk about things from the get go. Like who will move, how you will be together, is it possible to be together? Most just jump into it and don't have a clue what there in for. it also takes a lot of honesty and trust for the long distance thing to work. but it can be done.
i love you baby!
shea
Thanks guys. It basically started because I was reading several posts where people introduced themselves and what they were looking for and mostly it was followed by such negative posts, it was odd to me! I am myself single and looking, but not desperate, and I thought that perhaps when this board was created, the purpose was simple and innocent: to allow users to post a sort of a personal ad. So I was wondering why such attempts met with such ridicule...
Thanks for all your responses.
Cheers,
Tali
Shey if the site were filled with you and dan clones that'd be one thing. Someone tell me what percent of adds posted on singles spit swap got a happily after ending, or any kind of healthy relationship that lasted more then three months? If it's not 0 it's pretty damn close. It's one thing if it just happens but with the demographics on this site advertising yourself is not the way to go your better off talking to people, and if it works out then all the better for you. Then there are the people like me who are to shy to confront there true feelings, how do I tell blbobby that I want to go to vermont and mary him?
LOL Jared, want me to tell him for you? I know he'll be thrilled to hear it.
But seriously, the singles spit swap board was created for a reason, and I don't think that reason was for people to get ridiculed.
Jared, I won't marry you because I don't like Vermont.
But, here are a couple of alternative suggestions:
We could shack up and invite Dan and Shay to teach us the secret of success,
Or, we could sign up for the zone dating game which is proposed in another topic.
Or, we could just get wasted and go dear hunting.
Do any of these appeal to you?
Bob
If you pick deer hunting, can I come? Don't forget to wear your bright orange vests to assist me in aiming.
Sure dear.
Bob
Lets go hunting, I want an automatic gun.
aww, see, romance is already sprouting on this board although I think Jared has enough difficulty "handling" his own "gun", well, it's more of a squirt gun really.
With regards to the original topic. It takes determination, maturity, commitment, money and ambition to make long distance relationship turn into more than that. Lots of people don't have it and to some a relationship is just online and that's enough, some are just in high school, some have no career goals and live of social security and it's really ahrd to make it work because they don't have the money to move and will lose their support if they move to a different country. Doesn't mean those relationships are not valid or people don't mean it, just that it may take years to turn them into real life relationships and it'll most likely never happen. It's just like life, not every person you look at or meet or find attractive or even that you hold hands with or spend the night with, will become your life partner, it takes a lot of failures and tries and retries to find that one person.
Hi, interesting topic
Personally I think that part of the pessimism is just due to the fact that everything is going somewhat more difficult when you are disabled: finding a job, living on your own, making friends and certainly that special one. Let's be realistic, in general it takes more time for us, of course their are exceptions.
And the "always a girl's best friend" feeling is not mentioned yet. Sometimes you can have such a fantastic meeting or chat or whatever, you're able to talk for hours and hours, like it should be in a relationship; doing so much things together, walking hand-in-hand, ... and then, yeah, there is that: sorry, I consider you as my best friend but it cannot be more, I hope I didn't hurt you. I don't know how girls have the same feeling. As single, but even much more as teacher working with puberals, looking to make friends and trying to give their impairment a place, I think a lot of things like this.
Loko
Hunting!, says The Roman Battle Mask..
Hmm, got your game on..??
~*Thunderous MidNight*~
I see it like this. If you people want to talk about how they can't get with anyone, it's probably because they've got to step out of their bubble, and because the majority of the sighted people out there don't just look for a blind person. So, it isn't easy for a blind person to say "He, you, will you have a relationship with me"?
Well said Loko.
All I will say is don't let the negative feedback from some of these people discourage you from looking for what will make you happy.
Having now been around the zone for enough time to learn about the various types of people who hang out here, I'd like to offer my opinion. I know a lot of my posts on this and other boards tend towards sarcasm, but I'm going to be completely honest here.
I've made friends with several fellow zoners, people who like me, seemed like they had their heads screwed on relatively straight. I'm sure that there are a lot of similarly minded zoners out there whom I have not yet befriended, and I hope to do so in time. However, there are a lot of zoners who are either cognatively disabled, completely immature and unaware of the reality of the world around them due to a lack of real life experiences for various reasons, ridiculously creepy, or just generally unkind human beings who aren't worth the time of day. I think that a lot of people post negative responses when people post that they're looking for someone because they realize that a lot of zoners aren't playing with a full deck, so they want to save people the trouble of looking for the rose in the dung heap if you will. It takes a lot of patience, commitment, and maturity to be in a lasting relationship, and I've no doubt that it's possible to find that special someone here. It's just going to take that much more patience, commitment, and maturity if it's something you're hell bent on undertaking within this particular community.